By Daniela Santos

As a teenage Mexican American girl, I used to ignorantly wish for more ethnic role models to be in the public eye but this last year has enlightened me… white power is awesome!

My epiphany arose when it was announced that Spider-Man was now officially going to be a part of the Marvel cinematic universe. It was not until I heard that there was speculation that the film could portray the hero as either the classic white Peter Parker or a black/hispanic Miles Morales (from the newest comic books) that I have surrendered believing in the myth that is equality.

Trying to take a step “forward” by making up an alternate ethnic Spider-Man to avoid being racist is a low-point for white supremacy. We, as a nation, are losing sight of what made this nation great, and we need a white superhero like Spider-Man to shoot some webs and hide his easily sunburned face under his mask to show America that it’s white men who save the world.

Based the entirely pale array of lead actors and actresses nominated at this year’s Oscars, the lack of Egyptians in the film Exodus and these baloney Spider-Man rumors I am finally convinced that I need to stop being such a wuss and face the facts. I can never meet the heights of a white person, specifically a white male.

With a different outlook on the media, I now realize how the 28 percent rating that Rotten Tomatoes gave Exodus is unreasonable; I honest believe its smart all-white casting choice makes the biblical film about Moses a masterpiece. Selma, the film about Martin Luther King Jr., on the other hand did not deserve to be nominated for an Academy Award.

The race of comic book heroes should be permanent. Why address a problem that does not exist? The next Spider-Man must be as intended by its original creator in the 60s. There is no need to be “politically correct.” The dark eyes and hair of Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man and Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk is a great contrast to the rest of The Avengers and should be enough for America.

There is a lot of influential power in superhero films. They typically gross millions of dollars worldwide and are usually at the top of the box office.  Given its huge audience, adding an ethnic superhero to the mix would create too much controversy.

Children love heroes and their reality consists of strictly Caucasian heroes. It’s 2015. It’s too late to give the young audience a mixed race Spider-Man when there have already been two previously white reincarnations of the web-slinger. Diminishing all they have been raised to know can lead them to question other parts of their life. Little brown kids like me could even cause a riot when they learn that this whole time it was actually possible to have a hero actually seem relatable to them.

Non-white people like me need to be put in our place. We must be reminded that we are put into this world to be the dark shadows that are always behind our fair skinned superiors. The media is the perfect place to get this message forward. We are the Frozone to Mr. Incredible or the Donkey to Shrek. We colored people should never take center stage. Spider-Man must remain white and a man for that matter. This message goes to anybody who ever dare to want to change Batman, Superman, Iron Man, or Captain (not nurse) America.

With my epiphany that everything in the media is better off white, my anxiety levels are lowering at an exponential level. I’m not worrying about college nor am I keeping my grades up anymore because I understand that I will never amount to anything. As a matter of fact, after this story I believe I will resign my editor-in-chief title and give it a more deserving white male colleague.  I’m done dreaming about becoming the next Tina Fey or the future president. Besides, Obama only got the vote due to his half Caucasian heritage. I’d like to thank this new Spider-Man announcement for opening my eyes and saving me $30,000 in debt.

To avoid further conflict it’s important that Marvel just forgets about Miles Morales. This will prevent any harm that can come with an altered perspective. As Spider-Man’s uncle would say, “With great power comes great responsibility.” White is a neutral color and represents peace, so I proudly hold the white flag (or in this case, white Spider-Man) high for I am proud of what has made America and Hollywood great…white people.