By Christian Liester

Jefferson County School board is finally done with the topic of AP US History and has moved to more important issues.

The issue at hand now is seen as one in dire need of attention. One that has been pondered for centuries until now… how to get students to attend class no matter if their homework is done or if they don’t feel like it. The answer has finally been discovered, weed. That’s right the  jeffco administration has finally turned to the one thing the kids ditch class to do, get high. President of the School Board Ken Witt states, “ The sticky green goodness will attract every kid and bring them to class.”.

Following Witt’s statement about how sticky green will attract students, he thought of a plan to maintain order while doing so. Instead of just having teachers hand out pot, he decided to make every teacher have a variety of marijuana substances to ensure all kids will want to come, even if smoking is not their remedy to enjoy the lifted sensation.

The variety of substance expected to be handed out by teachers include, marijuana edibles, joints, blunts, and the good old fashion weed in the bag.  As the written plan stated, all teachers will be given a basket of “goodies” and they will stand outside their classroom handing them out to every kid who comes to their class.

According to parents, the giving of weed to their children is the best idea the school board has proposed.

Topping the dismissal of AP U.S. History in approvals, the whole community seems thrilled. As said by a parent of a Wheat Ridge student, “All kids will surely attend class now. They love the idea of pot in the classroom setting.”

Weed will soon be all over your classroom due to the very intelligent plan proposed by the School Board. Now every student will be more than excited to go to their classes. Even if their work is not finished or they just don’t want to go. The children will not be able to resist, the pot will cloud their senses and bring them right into the classroom setting.