By Caroline McDaniel

Grab your briefcases and petticoats; we’re heading to the 1900’s!

Teachers across the district have been given an opportunity to accept an amazing new contract from 1905. With this contract come new rules teachers and staff members are to follow strictly to keep their position for another great school year.

For example, a female teacher is not to wear a skirt or dress no shorter than two inches above her ankles. We wouldn’t want to have anyone getting any crazy ideas from those ankles or legs, man what a way to distract the students am I right? Also, if there are any social relationships other than family and friends, you can kiss that goodbye and sign up for Netflix or Hulu because that’s about the only thing that will love you until the summer. Young teachers are now being hired in and are getting thrown into this amazing new contract. Ms.Klaitil, a new teacher here at Wheat Ridge, is especially excited for the new contract, “I’m a total fashionista when it comes to floor length dresses, so I’m pretty excited.” Teachers across the district are unable to contain the utter relief of earning a new contract after so many years of having to follow the same silly old rules of the current contracts. This new contract will start to apply beginning next school year, that way the anticipation grows and teachers will go crazy having to wait to wear their new school clothes.

So teachers and staff, the students of the district tip our hats off to you all for seemingly signing your life away just to educate and to make up for those student loans. We hope the dry cleaners properly steam your petticoats and pants. We also greatly appreciate you providing us with desks that have been clean since five in the morning. The school board would like to wish you the best school year of your career.