For decades, people have been dying their hair every color in the Crayola box; from “Jazzberry Jam” to “Screamin’ Green”.

But what teens who dye their hair don’t know is that they are being made dumber. It affects people of all ages, but especially our teens! Their bodies and minds are still developing. Their smarts! Not even our school systems can fix this. While the average IQ is somewhere in between 90 and 110, an old friend of mine with carrot top orange hair had an IQ of 65! With the brick red on your head, you’re just braindead!

Think about it, that one quiet kid, the outsider with basketball blue hair, the really quiet one. No, they aren’t shy, they just have no idea what’s going on in class. They don’t want to talk in case the answer is wrong, as chances are they’ve had dyed hair if it isn’t dyed now.

Plus, have you seen the stuff kids laugh at these days? All these “Tik Tok” and “Vine” compilations. So stupid! It’s just people screaming randomly for no reason or throwing cheese at their parents’ faces! None of this is funny at all! And these so called memes, don’t even get me started. Every single one is just a stupid picture with some nonsencical words on it. Nothing your kids are laughing at is funny. It’s all offensive and rude to the people around them! And it’s only the edgy kids that laugh at these, too. You know, the “cool” edgy kids that dye their hair. They think these are funny because they have no common sense to know what real humor is.

Now let me ask you, have you ever been to a coffee shop around midnight? I did just a few nights ago! There was a group of teenagers hanging out. Do you know what teens were in that group? Dyed haired, emo, fools, with piercings too! Dying your hair causes you to make the most immoral choices! They get metal rods shoved through holes in their faces so they can be “unique” or “edgy”,  but in reality, they just don’t know what else to do with their lives! While on that topic, I bet that that’s why kids these days are always on their phones! Phones are the only thing that they think can stimulate their minds now, which is clearly another effect of dye-induced lowered brain cells! Our kids are stuck in an endless loop of ignorance! So I insist that you implement a dress code restriction disallowing dyed hair! It’ll be better for our kids, and our future. They run the future, after all! Lets keep them in tip-top shape!