Aquarius January 20 – February 18

Your household might take on major chaos today, probably because it isn’t clean. You probably might want to clean up before some people come over. Pisces February 19 – March 20

You won’t know who you’ll meet today. Go out and meet someone today, because you definitely spend too much time on TikTok. (Your mutuals are not your real friends) They might be just as short as you!

Aries March 21 – April 19 

You will sit down and contemplate life today. Wonder where it all went wrong and why no one likes you. How can you improve your situation? What has worked for you in the past? Ask yourself what you’re doing wrong. Could it be your tendency to be domineering? 

Taurus April 20 – May 20

Your conscience thanks you for being so down to earth, but others love you for your looks and how trusting you are. But that doesn’t work out in your favor. How are the trust issues? Don’t discount yourself for it, though. You’re still down to earth!

Gemini May 21 – June 20

Gemini, you’re a little crazy because of the intertwine of Mercury and Jupiter. But that means you’re still standing. You’re fascinating, but you’re also used. You know you’re a little annoying, others know it too, but you’ve got the heart.

Cancer June 21 – July 22

How is it having your head up in the clouds ignoring everyone, but also sticking your nose into everyone’s business? Are you doing good being the Gretchen Weiners of Mean Girls? You’re still kinda cute though, keep it up.

Leo July 23 – August 22

Mercury is meeting Jupiter, putting you into an odd state of mind, but that doesn’t impede your ability to dream. As in dream I mean to be delusional. Hows that crush going for you? You’re the king of the jungle, baby. Confess!

Virgo A ugust 23 – September 22

 You’re losing a lot of money, aren’t you? You know to save up, your mom, dad, friends, grandma, grandpa, teachers, and everyone you know has told you to get a job, and to save it up and invest, come on. McDonald’s is always hiring. 

Libra September 23 – October 22

Sometimes your emotions are on shuffle, and today they are especially on shuffle. Those tantrums in Furay’s class aren’t working in your favor. Everyone around you values the days you’re neutral.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

Relationship anxiety? Sometimes, people treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated, you just need closure. But sometimes, you have to think if you’re the problem.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21

Do you relate to different people? That’s probably because you are a very flexible person. You are like a chameleon, but that can make you become others, just be yourself, jeez.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19

Your love life will explode today. Might be someone asking you out, or it might be your partner leaving you (oh that wouldn’t be good, would it?). The make-out stairwell at the end of the math hall now has a camera. Watch out or find a private place for that love life