AXE Attacks Spark Raging Debate Over Deodorant Control

Students seen injured after  most recent gas attack

Students seen injured after most recent gas attack

Aydan Harr, Staff Writer

There’s been another gas attack at Wheat Ridge High School, and this time it wasn’t the local Police Department accidentally tear gassing the school again.

One witness Aidan Pullen found at the scene described  the event as follows, “I heard the sound of air being released out of a bottle, then a white mist seeped under the door of my class. It smelled horrible and burned my eyes.” Police arrived on scene within minutes and identified the gas as AXE Body Spray. This is the 18th AXE attack this year, despite the new nationwide ban on the spray back in November. The ban only stopped the production of the larger 12 ounce cans and not the much smaller 5 ounce  cans which are easily concealable and readily available to any teen with the intention of “being fresh.”

The NRA or National Refresher Association, and said the product doesn’t blind people but that people blind people when using the product. The organization last year said that  in order to “keep our schools safe, we need to arm teachers with their own cans of AXE.”

“How am I supposed to feel safe at school when there’s a chance that I might be attacked with one of these cans and forced to smell like bleach mixed with cucumbers all day?”  said junior Max Ogden, a concerned student at Wheat Ridge High School. He has become a recent activist for AXE control.

“We need to stop the production of all AXE containers, not just 12 ounce but also 5 ounce and the lesser know 1 ounce which is only sold at very, very select Walgreens, in order to keep the kids who go to school safe and protected form this horrible smelling product,” Ogden said during the annual AXE awareness meeting at Red Rocks. Sadly, the meeting did not get any media coverage due to the fictional band Gorillaz also playing there that night.

The United States Congress will not discuss the issue, saying they don’t understand what the big deal is when it comes to the smell of AXE. Other sources are saying the real reason they are not meeting on the issue is that the President himself shares in the parent companies of AXE and Dove; the President denies these claims. This week, however, Congress will be meeting on the newer issue of “dabbing” and whether or not the new sensation sweeping the nation should be banned.

The problem with banning AXE body spray is the support the product receives when the product is even mentioned. One supporter who asked to go by  his Xbox live username: xXAxemaster69420Xx when asked about the issue said: “ You can’t ban my sweet lady magnet AXE, how else am I supposed to show the world how much I disrespect women?”

Today’s political climate just isn’t ready to give up AXE body spray. This week there is a walkout in support for the ban on AXE  in schools all across the nation. But some freshmen across the country have come out against the march in protest and are organizing their own march to Walmart to get more AXE body spray.

The back and forth on the issue of banning AXE body spray means that we may never see how it ends, but we do know that this won’t be the last attack if these bottles are still being produced and distributed mass market.