GT Parents Finally Shut Down the School Newspaper

by Jaime Bangert

by Jaime Bangert

Jaime Bangert

They’ve finally done it: parents of gifted and talented students have convinced Wheat Ridge Senior High School’s administration to dissolve the sole news outlet for the school, The Haystack.

This, after they burst into principal Josh Cooley’s office armed with torches and makeshift clubs, taking several hostages and demanding that The Haystack be shut down for its dissemination of “blatant lies” and propagation of “inter-school class warfare” regarding the GT program. They were most likely referring to the article and poster previously made by one staff writer of The Hays

by Jaime Bangert

tack who shall remain anonymous for fear of bodily harm.

Eyewitness reports state that the parents were wearing long, dark robes and chanting in unison as they marched around the office, torches and clubs in hand. “They looked like they were part of a cult or something,” said one terrified faculty member who spoke only on the guarantee of anonymity. After a pentagram inscribed with the five parts of the Autonomous Learner Model suddenly appeared encircling the entire school, Cooley quickly agreed to dissolve The Haystack before any more academically-inclined eldritch horrors sprung from the ground, clawing apart both student and faculty alike.

When questioned about the subject, the GT teachers, Elliott Holm and Lisa Lee, denied any involvement with the zealots, saying that the actions of these militant ritualists in no way reflected the views or opinions of the GT program as a whole. Lee in particular said, “I think that the media–especially local media– is a vital part of our society, and that difference in opinion is necessary for positive change to occur.” This vast divide in opinion between the rowdy group of parents and the GT program is odd to say the least.

When GT students were surveyed on the actions of their parents, most responded with denial or ignorance of the event altogether. One of the more extreme responses was from one Bella Briganti, who said, “Haystack? We’ve never had a school paper, let alone one called The Haystack. Student-run media is dangerous, and totally not cool. I’m glad the administration recognizes the authority of GT and its backers, or we would have all sorts of dangerous programs running here at school.”

This leads authorities to believe that the situation is much more serious than a simple armed insurrection against school authority. Could it be that GT students are being brainwashed into ignorance and obedience by their cult-indoctrinated parents? Who is guiding this flock of GT parents towards occult knowledge and forbidden rituals? Were their actions truly sparked on by the criticisms made by a Haystack writer, or was that merely contrived justification for plans that have been in motion for months–maybe even years? Conspiracy and suspicion stifle the air as former members of The Haystack haul boxes of now useless files and equipment out of the building to be thrown away under supervision of the robed parents.

Will we ever know the truth behind these troubling events? Not likely, as there is no one to pursue the story further. Protest is discouraged as the threat of summoned eldritch beasts still looms over the school and it’s occupants. We may only hope for the best in these coming months without a school news source and possibly the rise of a GT parent-led grassroots authoritarian shadow regime.