From Cemetery to Table


A dish at Green Energy

Yamilex Venzor, Staff Writer

Colorado has welcomed its newest member to the vegan community in Rino. The restaurant, which is creatively named Green Energy is owned by Tiberius Dragani.

“I lived in India for two weeks and it changed my life,” he said with a wistful smile, adding “once I unlocked all my chakras I really understood.” Although he never was clear in what he learned, he did tell us that he feels like a superhero with his new vegan cuisine.

Green Energy has been open for two weeks and has acquired a substantial fan base of die-hard vegans.

“We’re all about recycling and creating less waste,” added Dragani, tying his hair into a ponytail. “I noticed that when we die, we leave a lot of waste. Our new strategy puts an end to that. We believe in farm to table to grave to table method.” Although many are hesitant about the method Green Energy uses, Dragani is confident, “Yeah I know it’s risky to serve ashes, but what a great way to recycle!”.

Brian Collins, a fellow food blogger, has stated in his world famous blog, The Vegan Fight, that this new way to dine will change veganism. “Eating the same three nuts is fun, but sprinkled ashes add a new flavor!” The reviews on Yelp reflect the same thoughts, icons picturing almost the same man wearing a grey sweater and corduroy pants have rated the restaurant 5 stars.

The new ambitious start-up has noted that being vegan isn’t easy but the benefits include, bragging rights, the ability to communicate telepathically with animals and plants, and abnormally strong sphincter to hold in that fiber. A popular plate being a tofu with a side of ashes and almond milk.

“I hope that this food has the soul of India,” Dragani said, “where I lived for two weeks.” The surrounding vegan ice cream shop and vegan dog supplies store have expressed their excitement to this new addition to the small vegan community.  

People are confident this trend will pick up in the non-vegan, cow-killing restaurant and we’ll evolve to be a better society. Dragani mentioned that those who want to donate ashes to Green Energy can contact him on HappyCow or FarmersOnly.