Nik Schnebly

Rumors of Peyton Manning’s retirement have been swirling since before the regular season had even ended,  but should he retire? The short answer is yes, and here are some reasons on why Peyton Manning should hang it up for good.

Peyton is 39 years old and has been playing football in the NFL since 1998, having a

39-year-old play quarterback is like using an axe to cut down that old dead cottonwood tree in your backyard instead of one of those fancy new chainsaws they have down at Home Depot because “This will work just as fine” but we both know it doesn’t.

Manning’s throwing arm has been reduced to a delicious linguine, cooked al dente, served with a delectable marinara sauce and paired nicely with a pinot noir. In short, he can barely throw anymore and this season he threw 17 interceptions in the regular season and only 9 touchdowns. Manning should stop before he is only remembered for his interceptions and not for all those touchdowns.

Also Manning can’t move like he used to. If a defensive lineman comes within three feet of him, his only natural protection is to fall down, curl into a ball and wait for the big scary man to go away. His health is also deteriorating. There was the neck surgery, foot injury this year, the hamstring injury last year, and the reports that he no longer has feeling in the tips of his fingers. At this point Peyton Manning is being held together by bubble gum, duct tape, and the dwindling hopes of Broncos fans.

The Broncos just won the Super Bowl, albeit off the backs of the number one defense in the league, and Peyton Manning has an opportunity to ride off into the sunset as a champion, something nearly no other quarterback has had the chance to do. On top-of that, the Broncos Super Bowl team is a young team, and for an old dude like Manning the locker room has to be an awkward place where you know nothing on the latest trends. I bet there have have countless times where either Von Miller or Chris Harris Jr. have asked Peyton Manning to “Dab” and encountered a response of “What?” and “Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”

Being retired opens up a new world of possibilities for Peyton Manning. Think of how many more advertisements and endorsements he could be part of if he doesn’t waste his time on all those pesky practices and football games.

Retirement could also take heat away from the recent allegations of HGH use and sexual assault, but if not, it wouldn’t be the first time a star quarterback used balls for something other than a touchdown pass amirite Brett Favre.

And finally on the list of reasons why Peyton Manning should retire, is that he’s got all the records, he can just stop and know that every time Tom Brady throws a touchdown to Gronk the world will be blessed to hear Chris Collinsworth tell us that Brady is now that much closer to breaking PFM’s record.